[Museboxing Truth Week]

[betterthisway]

[He still doesn't really understand the concepts of this place. But then again, he's never understand the world all that much before ending up here. Maybe that soft ping in his head didn't make him better but worse, and maybe Meg is currently wiping drool from his catatonic body.

Again.

On the other hand, he can't exactly say he's been trying too hard. Castiel has been allowing for his mind to tumble as he met people, surveyed the premises, searched the garden for bees. How long he's been here, he doesn't really know. And frankly, he barely even cares.

The edge of the lake is beautiful, serene, and Castiel doesn't look up when someone approaches. Instead he says the first honest thing that comes to mind, which strikes him as strange, because he usually lets it tumble far away from things he doesn't want to contemplate.]

I, I don't think I like lakes very much anymore.

Comments

[has_a_phd_in_teddybear]

[He even hugs back, though not quite with as much enthusiasm. He's not a hugger, Cas, although he does appreciate the gesture. Try Sam instead if he gets here. But have an awkward pat on the back in the meantime.

And then...] Cas... appreciated... but... I need air. [Because you're clinging, and it's starting to hurt. He even tries to step out of the hold.]

So you say. I don't see it. I'm not a good person, not really, and I'm pretty damned sure you got the label wrong with the 'righteous' thing.

...Fascination. [He huffs] You say it like I'm seventeen and sneaking into a bar with a fake ID. There's no fascination. I function, but I'm just an alcoholic- [And his hand goes up to his mouth like he can shove the words back in with the action.]

[betterthisway]

[Castiel shakes his head, wringing his hands in his lap a little, shoulders slumped.]

And I am, apparently, an insane nuisance. According to everyone else. We all have our flaws. Humans, more than most. But... you can't just see the bad. I see it all, and I, I come to judge it worthy. Personally. Then again, what does my opinion really matter. Are you an alcoholic? If my grasp of the term is correct, then yes. But you are not just an alcoholic. You're like... an onion. There are layers. Not all of them flattering. But. Uhm.

[He stops there, and his face takes on that certain quality, as if he's unaware of where he is or where his thoughts were going. He believes in Dean with every fiber of his being, but there is not much left of him either.]

I, I don't think I like lakes very much anymore.

[has_a_phd_in_teddybear]

You said.

You're not a nuisance. You can be irritating as hell sometimes, but that's mostly when you're on three topics a goddamned second. Or when we've already had a conversation twice or more. But that's just because I'm impatient, although I know I should try to be a bit more patient as I'm the one that broke you in the first place.

[betterthisway]

No, you didn't. You left me behind, after I broke myself. And. [Don't make him feel guilty, don't make him feel guilty.] ... And I had trouble dealing with that. Waiting every day to know if I was well enough to be picked up again, like, like a disobedient dog. But. I know it was for the best. I mean. I saw how Sam was. You could not take me with you. But. That's all you did wrong. You did not.... break me. I did that myself. It's better this way, now.

[has_a_phd_in_teddybear]

The ward was the safest place at the time, or we would have taken you with us.

[He shakes his head, chuckling - though, the chuckling is humourless, the tone sad] You make an angel care, it breaks them. You wouldn't be like this if you hadn't met me. I pushed you to care.... you broke.